Fun with MENSA Contest

Every year, MENSA puts forth a contest to make up new and amusing words.

Here are my entries...even though I am not in MENSA...clearly:

Pastard: Somebody who was formerly not a very nice guy at all. Not to be confused with a Rastard, which, of course, is a rude Jamaican.

Twangster: Member of an alleged organized-crime syndicate from the South. These harmless criminals are generally responsible for crimes against livestock and/or fashion.

Pornado: The result of a twister hitting an adult bookstore. This is a very rare occurrence but highly anticipated…for research purposes.

Exfrapolate: The act of pouring out one’s coffee. Exfrapolating onto your lap can result in a condition known as testifrying.

Punkin: Your cousin with the nose ring.
Plumpkin: A relative in need of exercise.

Barigami: The act of repeatedly folding a removed beer label or bev nap. Folding a napkin into the shape of a rose is an example of barigami but not an example of an appropriate anniversary present.

Storegasm: The elation felt when discovering a really good sale or your favorite vintage label on the rack…often followed by a good smoke.

Morownic: A person who is under the illusion that their large collection of material possessions gives them an elevated level of sophistication and/or makes them more attractive. Also see: Morown

Cellibate: One who abstains from purchasing a cell phone. Such people are particularly hard to find when they owe you money or you need help moving.

Conposer: A person who swears they knew the band before they were cool. Strangely, these same people are almost never seen at shows featuring new acts.

Pimpkin: A tricked-out gourd with ground effects, spinners and 15” woofers.

Braining: An attempt to impress by using an endless string of irrelevant facts and incorrectly used big words. He’s totally braining that hottie at the end of the bar.

T-shart: Airbrushing or applying some original design to your favorite piece of vintage clothing…either for personal use or in an effort to make a living as a
t-shartist.

Mencil: A tool supposedly used by guys to write directions or phone messages. So rare is the Mencil that you may go your whole life without ever seeing one.

Pestosterone: The chemical imbalance that causes annoying barflies to think they may actually score a date with your girlfriend…or you…or both of you.